time ... it depends on how fast you want to pass

-time... just depends on how fast you want it to pass

but what should one do when one loses what matters most?

i decided to write here, to have a diary of what i was... for the days when i would change. & i could look back & laugh off ... laugh out loud to what i was... laugh so hard & fight back that i would throw up all the memories & those photos... memories... photos that i took from you

but then, what can one do when one is about to lose what matters most?

sorry, but no one ever saw... even you ... the moment when i thought , i was sure you understood... but you didn't. its quite funny cause i've started to believe in destiny... & doom,
the curse ... the dragonflies under my skin... the butterflies that i see everyday &... i guess they're the only reasons i stay alive. cause anytime one of them passes by me for a short moment in your memory... i stop & i can forget... i can forget all your faces transcending, those trasparent hands of mine that will never heat up again...you're right, this isn't like me , im not about flowers & butterflies but...

but what could one do when one lost what matters most?

you're thinking of an explanation to give me? or maybe not... i've lost the power to predict the future you know.. its been a long time since i'm trapped in this hallway... with these ravens sitting upon my shoulders... counting & waiting for my time to come. they hunger, this way, i at least have a reason for my existance . this way, you can all feed on me, even you... you can feed on my every shred & then spread my blood & enjoy the taste...

but then again, one didn't do anything when one lost what mattered most before ... &...

you told me something that i remember well, "most important feelings are buried inside your drawings"... my graveyard... my drawings where i bury your faces again & again but every time you look me in the eye & i feel your claws on my face for a moment before the warmth of the blood... in that slight moment, i can live a life...cause you know, everything starts with the hands... your hands... i can live a life in which i express all the feelings i felt but never expressed... maybe this is how we were different after all the things

but is there a god to answer me? you said there is one...

... i came to this world with three eyes... & i want to leave with none... cause everything starts with the hands , hands that can take my eyes out... or caress my face for a slight moment... to live another life, to be a foetus again , in ones womb... like the first memories, the first photos

-enough already...they may never feel,
-right, they may never ...